Working Through Disagreements
Students initiate conflict resolution by approaching the other person to work it out. They negotiate fair solutions by identifying what each party actually needs (vs. wants). They reflect on what contributed to the conflict from their side and name a behavior they want to change. They complete full relationship repair after conflict. They know when conflicts are beyond peer resolution and seek help without shame.
Lesson Overview
What students will be able to do after this lesson: Students will be able to initiate conflict resolution by approaching the other person first, negotiate solutions that address what each person actually needs, reflect on and name their own specific contribution to a conflict, complete a full relationship repair, and recognize when a conflict needs adult support.
Skill segments at a glance:
| Segment | Segment name | Primary standards |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Initiating and Negotiating | RS-CFR-4-1 · RS-CFR-4-2 |
| 2 | Reflecting and Repairing | RS-CFR-4-3 · RS-CFR-4-4 |
| 3 | Knowing When to Get Help | RS-CFR-4-5 |
Supporting standards reinforced:
| Code | Why it connects |
|---|---|
| SM-REG-4-4 | Students need to recover from the discomfort of conflict before they can initiate or negotiate calmly — regulation is the entry point to every move in this lesson |
| SoA-EMP-4-2 | Identifying what the other person actually needs (CFR-4-2) draws directly on the skill of considering what someone might value or need |
| RS-COM-4-3 | The repair language in CFR-4-4 — specific apology, named repair action, structured check-in — requires the same specific, structured communication used in RS-COM |
Key Vocabulary
- Conflict — A disagreement between two people where each person wants or needs something different; a normal part of relationships, not a sign that something went wrong
- Needs vs. wants — What you actually need to feel okay in a situation (need) vs. what you said you wanted or asked for (want) — these aren’t always the same thing
- Relationship repair — The full set of actions that genuinely fix a damaged relationship: a specific apology, something you do to make it right, and a check-in to confirm it’s actually working
- Peer resolution — Working a conflict out between you and the other person, without adult help
Materials
- Whiteboard space or chart paper (for writing the core frame and visible examples during modeling)
- Before the week begins: Post your unit anchor chart and I Can Statement where students can see them — you’ll reference both throughout the week.
- No Process Steps Poster needed for this lesson
How this lesson is structured: Each skill segment below has an I Do (teacher models the skill with a realistic scenario) and a We Do (class practices together with your guidance). Independent practice — the You Do — lives in the practice resources that go alongside this lesson.
What Students Need Before This Lesson
- What’s inside
- What students should already be able to do
- Helpful to have in place
- 4 quick set-ups before the I DoConflict is normal — not a sign that something went wrong · Wants vs. needs — they’re not the same thing · “Sorry” is the start of a repair — not the whole thing · Specific behavior ≠ vague self-judgment: you can only change what you can name
- Rescue planIf students are significantly behind
This section opens when Grade 4 launches.
Introducing the Skill
- What’s inside
- Opening hook
- What we’re learning
- Why it matters
- Core sentence frameThe frame students use all week
This section opens when Grade 4 launches.
Initiating and Negotiating
- What’s inside
- I do: 4 teacher modelsTextbook example: what initiating and negotiating both look like done well · Wrong version → fix: waiting instead of initiating · Non-conflict scenario: initiation in an everyday situation · Wrong version → fix: surface compromise vs. needs-based solution
- We do: 4 guided scenariosWith sentence frames, pacing notes and what to watch for
- Coaching in the momentWhat to say when students get stuck
This section opens when Grade 4 launches.
Reflecting and Repairing
- What’s inside
- I do: 4 teacher modelsTextbook example: specific reflection and full repair done well · Wrong version → fix: vague reflection vs. specific named action · Non-conflict scenario: reflection as regular relationship maintenance · Wrong version → fix: incomplete repair vs. full repair
- We do: 4 guided scenariosWith sentence frames, pacing notes and what to watch for
- Coaching in the momentWhat to say when students get stuck
This section opens when Grade 4 launches.
Knowing When to Get Help
- What’s inside
- I do: 4 teacher modelsTextbook example: recognizing a situation that needs adult help · Wrong version → fix: going to an adult for a manageable disagreement · Non-conflict scenario: holding both options as relationship knowledge · Wrong version → fix: refusing help because of pride
- We do: 4 guided scenariosWith sentence frames, pacing notes and what to watch for
- Coaching in the momentWhat to say when students get stuck
This section opens when Grade 4 launches.
Closing the Week
- What’s inside
- 3 partner-share roundsOne for each segment, with the frame students say together
- Closing prompt
- Land the key idea
- Connect to daily life
- Optional — Quick check-in
This section opens when Grade 4 launches.
Practice for every skill segment
Each lesson comes with independent practice — the “you do” — for each of its 3 skill segments, in print and digital.
Printable practice
Ready-to-copy practice pages for each segment.
- View and print in your browser
- Answer keys for quick checking
Digital activities
Share one link — students open it on any device, and you see their answers.
- Works on Chromebooks, tablets and phones
- Students just type their name to start
While you wait: from the SEL Resource Library
Relationship Skills resources for Grade 4, ready to use today.
